Tuesday, June 12, 2012

My love bank

I have been reading Covey's book, "The seven habits of highly effective people" and was reading about emotional banks.  I have heard the concept before...that we each have a bank in which people make emotional deposits or withdrawals.  People who give us a lot of deposits we really enjoy being around and trust and love.  The opposite is also true.  It made me think of my children and how I view each one.

I have two children who don't make many deposits in my bank.  I don't know if they make more withdrawals than other kids, but there isn't a lot of positive deposits either.  I tend to think of them as my kids I have to have a lot of patience with or the kids that I will one day have a better relationship with.  I have one however that constantly puts deposits into my emotional bank.  She cuddles and holds my hand when we walk places and tells me she loves me every day out of the blue.  The other day she told me, "Mom, I'll never forget you."  I asked, "What do you mean?"  "I'll never forget the way you treat me," she said.  It made me think.  I wonder if I treat her better or differently because she is always showing me love?  I am guessing I do.

It's a hard thing to balance as a parent I think.  How do you make every kid say "I'll never forget the way you treat me." when every kid is so different in their personalities and their maturity levels and the way they treat you?


Brett and Collette Merrill said...

Kristy, I, of course, am incredibly limited in my parenting experience, but the thing that came to my mind when reading this was to ask Heavenly Father to make up the difference for your children. If they are for whatever reason incapable of showing very much love to you, and your bank is running low, I wonder if you could ask Him to help you see evidence of their love and appreciation. Sometimes I think we just can't read it because it doesn't manifest in ways we are used to. Your daughter that shows love to you sounds like she has "physical touch" for at least one of her love languages (have you read the 5 Love Languages?) but maybe one of your other children is constantly needing to be in the same room as you. They might be following you around whining so you don't notice it, but they could be showing you love by "Quality Time". It doesn't look like quality time, because the attitude isn't happy, but it might, in some warped way, be their attempt at showing love. Maybe you could ask Heavenly Father to show you these types of things that you might be missing or misinterpreting. This is way longer than I meant it to be and I certainly hope I don't come across as preachy since I pretty much am taking a stab in the dark. It is just the thought that came to me as I read and I tried to put it into words.

T-Ray said...

She is so sweet and thoughtful. I don't think most kids are like her. I think you are a great mom though and are doing a great job raising your kids.